The Electric can opener died. I didn’t grieve. It seemed weird to use electricity to open a can of refried beans. I wasn’t guilt ridden or wracked with angst every time I wanted tostadas or green beans, but I figured I’d replace it with a good sturdy hand-cranking can opener. I had  a couple of old ones in the drawer for emergencies. When the electric’s off due to an ice storm, a can of chili hits the spot. 

The basic all metal one never gets lost. I root over it when looking for the candy thermometer, which I need once every two years. The white handle can opener just keeps surfacing. I thought I threw it away. But maybe not. The patina on both is organic, but since it’s our patina, I can deal with it. But I wanted a GOOD new one since it was going to be the primary tool for opening cans. I went to town and bought the most expensive hand-cranking can opener I could find, which means I had three to chose from: the same two I had only new and patina-less, and the black handled Ekco one. That’s it in the photo with its round disc guts beside it. It disemboweled its ownself about six cans in, five cans of which were a bitch to open, and the last two I had to get the ice pick and pry the Morse coded (hole… dash….hole….open dash)  lid off. I was comparatively unfamished, and years of foraging food from cans saved me from nasty injury.

I’m ticked. And hungry. This is the latest experience I’ve had buying something new that turned out to be crappy, over designed and yuppified. 

If you’re in the midst of this very conundrum yourself, here’s some food for thought from The Daily Green:

Electric can openers require more resources to build, and take up more space in landfills than old-fashioned models. Typical 175-watt brands use .01 to .18 kWh per month, for an energy cost of about one cent. That doesn’t sound like much, but if every person in America used one, that would be 36 to 648 million kWh of power, costing us $36 million.
What kind of can opener do you use?

 Thanks to Trippy Chicken for the can of Wup Ass