Work Glasses

What reading glasses paranoia does to you

On my desk

Waiting for concrete

In the van

Tucked in my brush jar

In concrete

I can’t find my reading glasses! In my head, expletives are not deleted. I can go from rosy to blue real quick when I can’t find my dang glasses. Which is a couple of times daily, if I’m lucky. I’ve used the neck leash thing and had these adventures: I strangled myself many times. Several times I actually stepped on it while wearing it. I got it caught in the car door. I almost set it on fire. I did set it on fire. I got it tangled in the doodads on my sombrero. I cut it with scissors. I cut it with a trowel. I got it caught in Molly’s collar. I got it caught in a shopping cart. I got it caught in the seat belt.

I used to wear them on top of my head. Which is how I got started wearing molded-nose glasses instead of the kind with nose pads. I was leaning that way because the nose pads things aren’t comfortable. They also pull your hair when you push them onto your head, and then not only can’t you see because your eyes are betraying you, but because your eyes are tearing. I also quit doing that because I started paying more than 10 bucks for glasses. Pushing them up on your head sprongs the temples. It’s one thing to go around with a safety pin holding temples to a pair of ten buck grocery store glasses, but I’m not going to maime 20 buck reading glasses. This was a discipline I had to learn. I still catch myself starting to push glasses up on my head.

Besides, it hurt my pride to be in a righteous snit about not finding my glasses and having the ZSM hand me a mirror where upon it became painfully obvious that I had THREE pair (my record) pushed up on my head.

I tuck them into the collar of my shirt. Front and back. They fall off. I’m wicked accurate and step on them unerringly. I wear hoodies a lot in the winter because the pouch pocket makes a tidy glasses caddy. I wear overalls, ditto the handy variety of pockets.

I mostly never leave the Holler without throwing a pair of glasses in my purse. The other day I couldn’t find my glasses and went to my purse and FOUR pair tumbled out. That’s what paranoia does to you, you over compensate. I have a spare pair in my van. I’ve got them in my shop. I have a favorite pair that I use when I paint. They’re heavy and the temple says they’re 2.25 but I think they’re stronger, because I wear 2.25 just for ordinary. I need more help with close work when I paint.

I remember when I used to wear 1.25 and 1.50. I’ll never see those days again. Literally.

Those of a certain age (you started this, Denise) will understand everything in this blog. You younger ones, will. It’s a mortal lock fact. Your eyes screw you over the older you get. There are worse problems, I know. But for day to day aggravation, needing reading glasses is a bona fide bitch. The ZSM doesn’t wear reading glasses and he’s got 11 years on me. A couple of years ago he had cataract surgery and the new lens implants gave him dang-near perfect vision. I asked the eye doc could he please do that for me. He said not until I get cataracts. So now I yearn for cataracts. How perverse is that? They have new methods to help get reading glasses out of your life, but I read (when I can find my glasses) too many negatives about them. I know cataract removal works.

Doing art festivals was a trip. I’m outside. I need sunglasses. I need reading glasses. I swear this is true: I wore reading glasses and sunglasses at the SAME time. I had no dignity. Then I realized I could get reading sunglasses. Check out icueyewear for these, and stylin’ reading glasses. Seester Juls turned me onto the site a couple of years ago. If you gotta wear reading glasses, this is the place to get them.

I don’t throw glasses out. I have them everywhere, no matter the power. Never know when you’re gonna need a pair in a pinch. But I only have a couple of pair I LIKE at any given moment.

I put them in concrete. I don’t even wanna know how much money I’ve spent on reading glasses and sun glasses over the years. Can you relate?